It’s been almost a year since I’ve written. Life has been weird. It was weird before that, and it’s still weird now. That’s that, and that’s why I’m here now.
For a handful of years, I’ve stumbled through life questioning just about everything, as is my nature. While curiosity is generally seen as a valuable attribute, it’s a double-edged sword when I get too curious about myself and my life.
My most recent years have been extra full of introspection due to a few key life situations. Again, introspective by nature, and introspection is a good thing, blah blah blah. But it sometimes gets to a point where I drive myself mad if I let it go too far. I end up feeling even more powerless, very alone, selfish and greedy, misunderstood, stupid, different, never good enough, that I didn’t take the right path earlier in life, helpless.
My brain knows that none of those things are true. At the same time, it can be so hard to shake the feelings. I am not a woe-is-me person, even though I can evaluate a situation as negative, I can still (and do) find the positive perspective. I do that with my life as a whole, situations I observe, and situations I have to work through. No, it’s not easy. It’s habit, and I’m grateful for that. Thanks, earlier-in-life trauma, for pushing me to work through that.
Those things continually led me to the age old question. What is my purpose and/or passion?
I’d love to tell you that this past year was so eye-opening, I’m in love with my life and I know what it is I’m meant to love and do.
Wellp, I’m not. I have no idea.
I’m an average girl with your average adult responsibilities, I’m good at some stuff/not expert at any, my weight is average, my height is below average (can’t help that one), I have a couple good friends, I’m average at video games and sports, I don’t eat *too* terribly.
I’m just normal.
But I know there’s something more.
I’m capable of so much more.
I WANT to be doing so much more.
These things, I DO know.
This desire has burned within me for a really long time.
This is exactly where I am at right now. Wanna hang out?